There is a lot of irony in my life. Although I finally believe, after many years, that each of my kids is on a path that leads to gratification and achievement, I’m walking around with a pit in my stomach filled with resentment, rage, fear, and disgust. I used to suffer, watching from the sidelines when one of my children would get in their own way, blocking their own gate toward happiness and mental health. But today everyone is on a track that they’ve chosen, and I wish that I could bask fully in the enormous gratitude I feel. Ironically, now that my kids have gotten out of their own ways, others have moved in to bar the road to success for one of them. And the mama bear in me is not happy.

You know that feeling when you realize that one (or more) of your kids is different from everyone else that you know at the time? You wonder about their future, praying that they have the opportunities for love, joy, purpose, and fulfillment that others have. When my trans kid came out to me 10 years ago, this was my experience. Over the past decade, I have had a front row seat to her show, “Watch me beat the odds.”

For her mental well-being in high school, she chose to enroll early in the local community college, receiving a GED and college credits simultaneously. A few months into a larger 4 year university, she became ill and needed to withdraw. Undeterred, she learned to focus on what she was able to do, moved to a new state, and at the age of 20, married the love of her life. With less than a year of formal college, this young woman’s talents and gifts, grit, personality, and intelligence propelled her to quickly gain strides in her chosen career path. She recognized when the state she was living in was about to deny her healthcare for her basic needs, and she hightailed it out of there, with a refugee status, to a state and career path that were much more aligned with her goals and dreams. None of these things was easy.

She was using her skills to enter a field that was completely new to her, but due to her work ethic, natural talents, and leadership skills, just a few months later she was told to expect a lot of growth within her company. Throughout all of this, what fills me with the most pride, is her enormously generous soul that has allowed her to receive and give love, time and again, to her family, her spouse, and her spouse’s family. In fact, she and her spouse have recently welcomed family members into their home for an indefinite period of time. They are caring and nurturing, and believe that extending a hand to others is the way for everyone to thrive.

The kicker is that as my child has beaten the odds, not allowing self-doubt or society’s judgment to limit her, other people are doing everything they can to booby-trap her path and build blockades. They are continually reconstructing the ceiling over her head that she has worked so hard to break through.

I visited her last week and was blown away by the behind-the-scenes tour we were given of her company in the space industry. This is serious work and is a dream come true for her. At our last dinner together, she was describing some of the opportunities that are becoming available to her. She mentioned the likely possibility of being invited to the Space Center in Florida to accompany the team when everything that they’ve worked towards becomes a reality.

As her mom, my heart soared with joy for this fantasy experience. Less than a few seconds later, though, my soul’s flight plummeted. I asked her to repeat what she just said. “I won’t be able to go, though. It’s Florida and I can get arrested for being me.”

What?!?

Somehow, I’ve read the news but hadn’t internalized the reality of what it means. She went on to explain how trans people are being cautioned to not even have a layover in Florida because using an airport bathroom can result in a genitalia check, blood work for chromosome proof, and arrest. I spent the night and next morning doing my own research, sure that this had to be an exaggeration. No exaggeration. This can happen in most public buildings and many hospital bathrooms also.

This smart young woman has, up to now, succeeded against all odds. She is hardworking, talented, and brave. She has found love and is in a healthy marriage. She has moved up quickly in her software career, teaching herself most of her skills, and impressing her supervisors and colleagues. She taught herself all about the aero-space world. And if she earns a spot in the penultimate experience in her field at the most coveted Space Center in our country, she will have to decline. Not because she’s unqualified. Not because she’s young or too busy. It’s because it is not safe for her. It’s safe for everyone else on the team. Just not her. I can’t wrap my head around it.

You teach your kid there’s no limit to what they can accomplish. I don’t even know what to say or do. In the past, I was the fixer, her advocate, and defender. I accompanied her to public bathrooms when she was younger. I don’t think that would work this time. This is bigger than us. There is something so evil determined to snuff out her very existence. There is despair and pain gnawing at my heart. How do you fight this? How can this be our reality? How can these laws be passing by the hundreds all across our country? Is anyone listening? This is really happening.

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