It’s not the experiences that are different; it’s me who is different

The first 24 hours of being 50 were amazing! Perfect, really, from start to finish. During my birthday, I realized that although I truly loved my 40s, if I did a thorough analysis of my experiences, those were definitely the hardest 10 years of my life! It’s actually unbelievable to me to realize how much […]

My New Years Day is in July

For most people, their time to reflect on fulfillment and resolutions is January. For some people, the time of reckoning and planning follows a school calendar and is September. Some others wait for their cultural or religious new years’ schedules. I am realizing that although I try to set intentions for my year at each […]

Living with my Greatest Fear

Two celebrities committed suicide this week. People are posting suicide hotline numbers alongside advice for getting help for yourself or for helping others. I “like” each one of these posts. Sometimes I even “love” them. I have deep conversations with friends about the importance of removing the stigma around depression. I share confidently my opinion […]

Here I am Suddenly.

Here we are. The week of the wedding. There was not a lot of fanfare leading up to this time. Not a ton of planning. The engagement was announced less than six months ago and in that span, life and also death, were given room to occur. The wedding preparations did not move everything else […]

The Old and New Collide Everywhere I Go

My baby’s first university visit. My own alma mater. The old and the new collide everywhere we go. As my college self and my current self hold hands, I am enjoying new experiences with my daughter – everything about this is a ‘first’ for her. My college memories are trailing me like a shadow; in some […]

I Need to Know that you Believe in my Kid

I just need to know that you believe in my kid. I am having a conversation with a professional I have hired to support one of my children, and at some point in our dialogue that’s what I realize. No contacts you have, no resources available to you, no reduced fee, and no amount of […]

The Honor is Mine

Friday was a very challenging day for my children. The kind of day where you wish you could trade places with your children because their pain is so great. The kind of pain where you’re not quite sure what to say to ease the burden and you pray for guidance. That was the day that […]

Having the Courage to be Fearless

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one new quality or ability, what would it be? Last weekend my friend and I were asking each other a few questions from Arthur Aron’s 36 questions and this was one. I thought about it, and replied, “I’d be fearless.” If I were fearless then I would […]

They’re completely familiar and foreign to me.

They are part of me, are of my body and soul, and closer to me than anyone on earth. And yet, at times they are also foreign to me, living a life and in a land that is completely unfamiliar. That’s not how I thought it would be. When I was imagining having kids, I […]

He left and she stayed.

She’s been my second mother for over half my life. She has said many times to me, “You guys got divorced. I didn’t get divorced.” I’ve grappled with that a lot. How much does the relationship title matter? What are we now to each other? He left. She stayed. There is no one else here […]