Over the past few years, people have said to me, “You should write a book.” And, as my family continued to experience unique situations, we would oftentimes lighten the mood by saying, “This will be a good chapter in ‘The Book.” As much as it did appeal to me to be an author, I didn’t have the confidence that anything I had to say would be interesting enough to anyone else.
This year, however, I am consciously starting to visualize my ideal life. How would my life look and feel if I had no insecurities or limiting beliefs? Not an easy feat, but pretty exhilarating. I try not to put too much pressure on myself to have to include things like skydiving or travelling full-time around the world, although they’re not completely off the table either. Instead, I dream of things that might actually fit into my life now, with the understanding that as I accomplish those goals, new intentions and opportunities will present themselves.
I recognize that the only thing standing in the way of me having everything I want is myself. On one hand, that is empowering. But it’s also really scary. All of the pressure is on me. I see now how powerful my own fears of failure are, because it’s still really hard to take risks and try new things. However, I’ve vowed to myself to try on something new – being Fearless. Or, at least, “Lessfear.” I’m going to channel my most confident Me to say yes to opportunities that come my way, even when I’m intimidated. I’m going to have faith that something good will come out of every new experience I try or risk that I take.
And, sure enough, with this blog, it has. I started this blog because it was a way for me to dip my toe in the writing pool. I figured I’d find out first if anyone even cared to read what I had to write, and then if they liked it or were intrigued enough to return to read another post. I didn’t even know if I would enjoy writing. When my coach suggested that I write a blog, I immediately rejected the idea. I wondered, “What if I’m not good enough for anyone to want to follow me?” She lobbed back at me, “What if you are good enough?”
What if I am good enough? I never imagined that possibility. And I realized that that would literally be a dream come true. A dream I hadn’t realized I even had until then. If my words could resonate with or help others, then an important part of my life would be fulfilled. Right then the reward seemed much more powerful to me than the risk, and I decided to go for it. My doubts about my skills and fear of embarrassment were screaming in my head, but if I was going to have any chance at attaining this dream, then “publish” on my blogsite was going to have to be pressed.
And here’s what I find to be the interesting piece. The rewards I have so far received from publishing this blog have had little to do with how many followers I have. The unexpected bonus I have received completely supersedes my original goals. What has become the most meaningful part of this new adventure are the rekindled friendships, connections and relationships that have come from sharing my personal thoughts and experiences.
People who I was so close to in my childhood and now just follow on Facebook, have been sharing beautiful thoughts with me. Friends from elementary school, high school, sleepaway camp, teen tours, college, and my semester abroad are coming back into my life. I am remembering why I loved these people and how close we once were. I am filled with gratitude that they are still in my life, even if it’s not on a day-to-day basis. They are the people who are woven into the tapestry of my life and I find such joy in revisiting the memories and feelings we shared.
Relatives who I’ve loved but haven’t really known that well, are reaching out to me. People I am friendly with but not really personal with, are opening up to me. And, something I never believed would really happen, strangers are following me and are taking the time to reach out. These connections that can only be shared when people are vulnerable and open with each other, are filling me up!
To me, relationships and connections to others is what gives purpose to my life. And I am so grateful that this risk that I took, has created this opportunity. This is having the most wonderful effect on me and I never would have received it had I not put myself out there.
You’re learning all about me. I’d love to learn all about you. If you knew for sure that you’d be good at something you’ve been curious about trying, what would you try? Please reach out to me! About anything. And when I do eventually write that book about my life, I hope you’ll be part of my story.