It’s not the experiences that are different; it’s me who is different

The first 24 hours of being 50 were amazing! Perfect, really, from start to finish. During my birthday, I realized that although I truly loved my 40s, if I did a thorough analysis of my experiences, those were definitely the hardest 10 years of my life! It’s actually unbelievable to me to realize how much I went through during that decade. So then I do something new with much trepidation. I dare to assume that there is a really good chance that my 50s will, at a minimum, be easier with smoother sailing. Because it’s hard to top the fantastic journey I was on in those 40s. And what relief I feel! This could actually be a different experience. This is going to be fun!!

And then the 34th hour of being in my 50s hits me…with an unexpected phone call that dumps a cup of ice water over my heart. Really? I couldn’t even have two days? And I realize that I’m still in it and likely will be for some time to come. But after moving past my initial visceral gut wrenching reaction, I find I am responding differently to this situation I am being presented with than I have in the past. And this awareness is comforting to me.  I’m feeling the empowerment of doing something different even when the situation is reminiscent of complications I dealt with so many times in my last decade, so long ago (at least a few days).

I am asking different questions of the universe. I am hearing what people are telling me through different filters than I have before. Instead of feeling defensive, I’m feeling grateful. I am wondering if perhaps there is an assumption I have been making all along that is incorrect as similar situations keep reappearing. I am more ready to hear realistic, difficult news than to wishfully force the facts to fit my comfort zone.  Instead of being terrified of the unknown, I am curious if I will be learning something that will actually move this reoccurring situation out of my life.

And I think I can thank my past two years of being immersed in life coaching for much of that. I spend a lot of time practicing responding to life’s experiences in ways that may serve me well. I used to just react emotionally. Now I use a different response. And the practice is actually paying off. I honestly don’t have the energy right now to conjure up the positivity; but my muscle memory brings it to the surface anyway. And presents the possibility that there may be a new way to look at everything. And this one change may be all I need for the pattern to stop repeating and to move in a different direction.

The situation is what it is and the unknowns are still there, but I am able to enjoy myself this weekend because there is nothing else I can do to affect the outcome at this time. I need to have patience. I could easily give into the worry, the what ifs, and the why mes. But I choose to compartmentalize and to consciously not worry. I choose to live in the moment today, and to fully enjoy what is going right. Tonight or tomorrow, when I start to have answers for which I am waiting, which may or may not change a path of my current journey, I will then put my efforts into that. But, as stress tries to creep into my consciousness I do brush it away, because there is plenty of time for that. And I choose to make time for all of the joy that I can whenever I can. I will not allow the what ifs to creep into my time of joy, when they will not help me solve anything.

Each of us responds to life from different colored filters. Some of us wear more blue colored glasses and others wear more rose colored glasses. The situation does not change but how I view it is in my power. And how I view the situation will determine how I respond to it. How I respond to it will determine how it affects me. And that’s how I can create my own experiences of life, even when surprises are thrown at me.

As a core energy life coach, I have learned that there are seven different perspectives, or energy levels,  from which we all view our experiences. We visit all seven levels but we spend more time in some than others.

Had I responded wondering, “Why me?” I would not feel empowered to make any changes. If I think I am at the mercy of so many bad experiences, a loser in life, then there is no reason for me to try to change anything. I can just complain. And the result will be that no change will ever happen. I will continue to experience negativity.

Had I responded with anger, sure that people were out to get me, knowing that the only way to success was for me to win by others losing, I would shut down communication with others. I would not benefit from any collaboration, partnerships, and I would be consumed by negativity. This would inevitable be detrimental to my social interactions, my health, and I doubt it would truly solve any of my issues.

Had I responded with an understanding that I may have a part in this, but in order to tolerate my situation, I need to stay right where I am now, I would not grow. I may experience less negativity but I’m not going to find the solution or fulfillment.

Had I responded by wanting only what is best for others, I would eventually resent it. I need to honor my own needs while I try to take care of others.

I believe I am responding by looking for the opportunity and the wish that all of the players involved come out on top. A win/win. I am open to the idea that I have been possibly tolerating a situation and pushing an agenda to make myself more comfortable;  I am having this epiphany that listening again to messages I’ve been told, with a new understanding that I might learn something, is no longer scary and is probably the way to go.

I am hopeful that this is leading me to the perspective that because we are all connected and all affect one another, what happens to you happens to me in some way, as well. I hope to be able to tap into my intuition to visualize and feel comfortable with all scenarios, not judging them as good or bad, but just experiencing them and learning from them. Who really knows in the long term if something that is happening now will be good or bad in the end?

And the most powerfully joyful perspective would allow me to realize that winning and losing are illusions. There is no game in life. Opening ourselves to unconditional love and complete fearlessness, we can create anything we want at any time. Yeah, I’m not at this one yet. But I still feel like I’m doing pretty well.

As I prepare myself to welcome whatever news comes to me, I feel calm. I don’t pray for a specific outcome; I pray that the right outcome will happen and that I will be able to respond to it in an open way that will lead my family to great health and joy. And I pray that I can continue to learn from all that I experience.





One thought on “It’s not the experiences that are different; it’s me who is different

  1. This was inspirational Diana and also enlightning. You know how I feel about you that will never change and I am proud of you. Lots of love


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